Most people are aware of what the process of adoption entails because it has become rather commonplace in our society. Adoption is where a child is legally placed with guardians or parents (or perhaps a single parent) other than the birth mother or father. Once an adoption is finalized, any and all parental rights are turned over to the adoptive parents and there is no legal difference between adoptive parents and natural birth parents. Types of adoption are typically categorized by effect; that is, a closed versus an open adoption.When an adopted person has access to his or her adoption file and original records, it is referred to as an open adoption. The term is also used to describe any contact there may be between the adoptive family, the birth parents, and the adopted child. The level of openness can vary greatly in such contact depending on each individual relationship. adopt,adopting babies,adoption,adoption agencies,adoption attorneys,adoption information,adoption search,baby adoption,child adoption,infant adoption,international adoption agency There can be mediated contact between the biological parents and the child through the form of letters and photographs, or there can be actual physical contact.Adopting a child may be both a long train of practical and emotional nightmares and the fulfillment of a dreamAbout 1% of all children in the U S were adopted Thus though the percentage may be small the total number is considerable in the millions While fortunately many of the traditional stigmas have faded adoption and raising adopted children remains a uniquely challenging process for millions of parents Many psychologists who specialize in such issues can report from their files such heartrending statements as We knew this child would be different from us But sometimes it seems we dont know him at all or sometimes we just look at each other and ask what we got ourselves into Many everyday practical issues are more difficult to handle in adoption scenarios Lack of knowledge of heredity in relation to medical problems prior bad parenting or even abuse can seem to make understanding present problems more difficult Children who discover unexpectedly that they are adopted especially from someone other than the adoptive parent can feel often without any input from others that they are somehow less than fully loved and wanted How and when to inform young children that they have been adopted presents a unique challenge to adoptive parents. While no one size fits all prescription for dealing with adoption issues can hope to be realistic some general suggestions may help parents better cope with their special difficulties Parents who make the effort to endure the long and painful bureaucracy and expense that too often accompanies adoption should take pride in having persisted Keeping the end goal in mind is difficult in the midst of so many needless hurdles and those who do so are entitled to feel good about it Dealing with a childs medical problems is trying enough for any parent but adoptive parents sometimes feel frustrated and fear being unable to cope Some comfort may be had by realizing that hereditary information is only one small part of diagnosis Physicians effectively treat unconscious victims emergency cases and a wide variety of other patients in circumstances where such information is not available nor particularly useful. Some value may be had also in realizing that psychological issues can and do arise about as frequently with biological children Except in cases of actual abuse former experiences are only a small part of the cause of what a child is presently feeling. As adoptive parents know the bonds that form between parent and child form very quickly and very deep Both common experience and formal studies show that such relationships are as strong and lasting as biologicallybased parentchild bonds That suggests that the relationships and their value to parent and child are as much the consequence of choice as of biology Indeed since they are chosen by the parent both parties can benefit from the advantages such arrangements offer. Adoptive parents can revel in and express with joy to their child that you were chosen This is not recommended in families of mixed adopted and biological children Biological children should not be given the message that they were not chosen nor should adopted children be encouraged in a view that they are superior to the other children for having been adopted
Parents and child can each enjoy the many benefits of family life the overwhelming majority of which have little or nothing to do with biological relations Whether the specific child was the offspring of that particular parent or not the pride of guiding and the joy of learning is the same The special emotional bonds among family members transcends how the parties met
There are multiple reasons due to which many older couples in their 40s opt for adoption. The most common reason is infertility. However, there are parents who postpone starting a family till they were financially established. While some parents want to have a “second” family as their children have grown and left, others want to start a family after remarriage. Such parents can either look around for children in their home country called as domestic adoption or else choose one from overseas known as international adoption.Domestic adoption is quite a tedious process that requires couples to wait for an extended duration of time till they have the child. International adoptions tend to get completed faster and generally encourage by the countries which are considered to be poor. Choice is wider for parents who are on a look out for a child to adopt since many children in these countries are abandoned or live in orphanages.However, older couples opting for an international adoption have to primarily deal with adoption laws in the child’s country of origin, provincial adoption laws in the parents’ country of residence and immigration laws as the child is an immigrant. Apart from these, other problems worth considering include the language and cultural differences that are often difficult to get adjusted.There are numerous private agencies that help in arranging for international adoptions. Most of these agencies have network and operations in more than one country. Before looking for a private agency, couple should be clear about the country from which child is going to be adopted, the age of the child, sex, race and health. Since requirements for adoption differ from country to country, it is important to have a clear understanding about the requirements of the desired country so as to make the process hassle free. A lot of paper work is required during the process of adoption, which is usually taken care by the private agency.As an adoptive mother to one of my three children I have spent years thinking about and reading about the issues surrounding adoption When my son was an infant I began thinking about all the things I would tell him and when Id tell him certain things I thought about how much truth to share what I should perhaps hold back until later and how I could present a picture of his beginning that was in reality quite negative in a way that made it look positive Over the thirty years since my first child was an infant Ive come to have the feeling that whether its how it should be or not there are times when what people who favor open adoption believe so conflicts with what people who dont believe that it can seem as if the adoptive mother not in favor of open adoption comes from the dark ages or else wants to deny her child something she really doesn’t I didnt have the option of an open adoption when my son was placed with me permanently so not having that option made me ask myself whether my son was missing something he should have He came to me after he was removed from the home of the biological mother and after he had sustained a skull fracture for which he had been hospitalized and which had healed Once when I asked a social worker a question that led her to realize I was trying to put myself in the biological mothers place she said to me You cant do that She is so different from you there is no way you can put yourself in her place I later learned that aside from any history of child abuse the biological mother was said to be of limited mental capacity I was told that there was a livein boyfriend and a question of whether the baby was his There were apparently a few other young children that were in one place or another I havent described the extent of what I had been told but this is an example of the truth that I needed to find a way to at one point in his life or another share with my son When he was very little I was very aware of wanting him to feel like all the other kids I did after all have two biological children and was particularly aware of my desire to make sure he didnt feel different When he asked about where babies come from I took advantage of the opportunity to tell him that ladies have babies and I added Usually when a lady has a baby she brings the baby home and is his mother but sometimes if a lady knows she doesnt know how to be a mother or cant take care of a baby the right way she may ask another lady to be the babys mother This was my story and I stuck to it for a good long time I reasoned that the normal thing for children is to have one mother and one father at one time I believed too that even if there were the chance to have an open arrangement with this biological mother what that would do would be to put a face on someone who was not to him at that time more than a story Later he would of course realize that the story had a real person attached to it but when he was little the story was enough to explain where he came from and that for some fouryearolds is often the only thing in which they have interest.
I reasoned too that having an open adoption situation where the biological mother visited or called and where pictures were sent on a regular basis would make an adoption feel like unpaid foster care besides possibly adding a confusing element to a young childs identity and understanding that he like everyone else had just one mother at a time While I did not change his first name although I added my fathers name as a middle name and while I certainly admired the golden curls he had inherited from one of the biological parents there was only so much acknowledgement of her contribution that I thought was right if I were to raise a secure child who didnt feel different from his siblings or friends My plan was not to try to deny him the chance to meet this person someday I just wanted him to have the very normal mother father three kids one dog one cat family in which to grow hopefully secure and well adjusted and able to deal with any issues related to having been adopted once he was mature enough
Also although this may sound awfully coldhearted Ive always believed that the very definition of adoption involves one set of parents becoming the very real parents of a child in order to have that sacred relationship be what all parent child relationships are In other words if adoption gets watered down to resemble unpaid foster care the nature of adoption does get completely changed Whether or not an adoptive relationship can be of equal intensity and strength and bonding when there is a parttime other mother who shows up at Christmas time is a question people need to seriously consider The idea that theres room for everyone may not in reality hold true when it comes to a childs view of the person who is his mother.My heart has always broken for all biological mothers who give up their children for adoption but Ive always believed that the cold hard and even horrible reality of adoption is that all ties are cut That is the very thing that makes placing a child for adoption such an awful and difficult thing for biological mothers but my belief has always been if a mother wants to keep in touch with her child she should not be placing him for adoption at all When the argument in favor of open adoption is aimed at any benefits to the child Im not sure that there are benefits and if there are they may not be worth the complications and even compromises of the childs chance to have what all children tend to see as normal one mother and one father.When my son was a little past twentyone years old he received a letter from people who arrange reunions between adopted children and their biological mothers He told me he wasnt going to bother because he wasnt interested and I asked him if he would at least call the woman who contacted him and tell her to tell the biological mother he is ok I told him she deserves at least that much He eventually agreed to meet his biological mother and some biological family members and it did throw him a little to discover some of the ugly facts surrounding his beginnings My bond with my son however is as strong as they come and just as I had picked up the pieces after his rough beginnings I embarked 21 years later on efforts to help pick up the pieces after his reunion Im not an adopted child and theres a whole lot I dont know about my own roots beyond my parents Ive lived comfortably without a lot of information and I cant help but believe that adopted people too could live comfortably without some information IF they have been raised in a way that has not caused them to overemphasize the importance of that information.I am in favor of sharing some information with even the youngest adopted child and Im in favor of sharing more information as the child grows Doing this can help prepare a child for the reunion that probably will and should take place To that extent Im not in favor of deep dark secrets sealed in files somewhere When however it comes to a childs having Mary who visits and Mommy who I live with I just think it robs a child of an innocence and normal childhood If the arrangement will be that the child never knows that Aunt Mary is his biological mother then the only point in having Mary come around or call wouldnt be to give the child knowledge of his whole story but instead just to let Aunt Mary keep in touch with her biological child and that may be good for Aunt Mary but when reunion time comes the child may be more thrown for a loop than the child who meets a stranger who introduces herself as his biological mother
Finally I adopted my son because I wanted him and knew I could offer him a good beginning There has never been one second of the last 30 years when I have allowed myself to think about what I offered him rather thinkining of all the joy and love he brought into my life Still with every child we have we devote an incredible amount of love worry thought and nurturing With an adopted child there can be a little extra thought and planning involved because of the circumstances I was able to raise my son with his siblings who happen to be my biological children as my own because there was no other mother in the picture I could not have done an equally good job of that if a biological mother were sending me mail and calling and expecting pictures It may sound unreasonable but there is something in my maternal instinct that would not be capable of sustaining the quality of the bond I share with all three of my kids had the dynamics been different.People sometimes seem to forget that the adoptive mother isnt just someone who was blessed with a child but she is often someone required to figure out how to build that unshakable bond even with some of the holes that can threaten the adoptive bond She can also be someone who is left to pick up the pieces when a childs beginnings affect something like his ability to learn once he gets to school My belief is that I could not have done as good a job for my son not me under an open adoption arrangement and while my heart goes out to biological mothers who give up their babies I think adoptive mothers should have the right and responsibility to do the best job possible and there is at least the possiblity that closed adoption may allow adoptive mothers to do just that
One needs to consider several things before finding the perfect good adoption agency. The agency one selects will basically depend on the type of adoption that one is pursuing. This could refer to whether it is a domestic or international adoption, for instance. The entire family as a whole needs to sit together and discuss on details specific to a family's adoption plan.
You can find out more about an agency from their referrals. Therefore it is better to ask for referrals who can give you valuable inputs. Alternately, you can check with other adoption professionals. People who could give you good adoption advice could include your infertility doctor or your gynecologist. They may have already heard from their patients about the services being offered by an adoption agency. In certain cases, your attorney may be of great help in finding a good adoption agency. He/she may have handled legal aspects related to adopting a child in their clients' cases.
Call up your adoption agency and ask for literature. You can go through the literature in detail and find out more about the agency. You can check out things like eligibility criteria, pre placement home study, and related things that are being done as part of the agency's services. Find out whether the adoption agency is licensed by the state. The waitlist period or the time you need to wait before adopting a child from an agency, should also be found out. Check out from the adoption agency about the pre adoption and post adoption services provide to adoptive parents and birth parents.
The number of years an agency has been in service would also give you a fair idea about their credentials. Always try to get an itemized list of the charges from an adoption agency. Get to know more about their contract. Find out whether they have turned down any adoption and if so, what were the reasons for doing so. And just in case you want to go in for international adoption, find out whether anyone from the adoption agency needs to travel to orphanages in other countries and if so, what are the procedures involved. These are some questions to be considered before you decide upon a good adoption agency.
While many adoptions can be quite costly, there are financial programs and resources available to help you if you know where to look. Here are just a few programs to think about.You may be able to reduce the cost of your adoption by applying for an adoption tax credit on your federal tax return. The credit is up to $10,000 per adoption. This tax credit benefits moderate income families the most as it phases out high income families. The phase out starts once your adjusted gross income reaches $150,000. The tax credit is totally eliminated once gross income reaches $190,000.Qualified adoption expenses include adoption fees, attorney fees, travel costs, meals and lodging. To learn more about the Federal Adoption Tax Credit you should consult a tax professional and the IRS Publication 968.
About 25% of companies in the U.S. offer some type of adoption benefits to their employees. Typical benefits might include paid leave, unpaid leave or reimbursement of adoption expenses. Contact the human resources office where you work.
Couples who are trying to adopt often become discouraged and disheartened when they hear how difficult and extensive the adoption process can be. They often hear stories of how couples wait for years to be approved and finally achieve their dreams of having a child of their own. If you are considering adoption, do not be swayed or become discouraged from such rumors that you may hear. These days, people of all lifestyles and backgrounds are routinely considered for adoption and can have a child of their own.
With so many different types of children who need loving homes, before you begin the adoption process, you will need to figure out which type of child you would like to adopt. Do you want an infant or would you like to adopt an older child? There is also the race of the child to consider, as well as perhaps a special needs infant.Some of those choices may depend on whether you decide to adopt domestically or internationally. Domestic adoption refers to adopting a child within the United States, while international adoption occurs when you adopt a child from a foreign country. If you decide to adopt domestically, you will have to know and understand your state's adoption laws; it may be beneficial to hire an attorney well versed in domestic adoption. The same goes for international adoption; there are adoption agencies that specialize in international adoption. It would be wise to use such an agency so you have a clear and definite understanding of the adoption laws and regulations of the country from which you are adopting.
Before you sign on with any agency or attorney, make sure to do your homework! Research all the agencies within your area that meet the specifics you are looking for. Request any literature they may provide (brochures, handouts, etc.) that will give you an idea of the services and how well they can meet your wants and needs. Another great idea may be joining an adoptive parent support group, whether in person or online. It can be very therapeutic and beneficial for you to connect with others who understand the situation you are in.
Once you have narrowed down your selection to just a few adoption agencies or attorneys, you need to ask for references of previous clients and check them. This will give you an idea of the service they provide. Anything negative you may hear from such references should definitely be a red flag. You should also check for complaints against the agency. You can never be too careful when you are making such an important decision that will have a major impact on your adoption experience.Once you have begun the adoption process and you come across a child that you are considering, you need to ask all the right questions. For instance, inquire about the child's health, social background, the health (physical and mental) of the birth parents, and any early life experiences they may have had if it is an older child you are considering. The more you know and learn about the child, the better prepared you will be and the more smooth the transition will be for the both of you.Adoption is the legal process of establishing a parent child relationship where usually there is a non existent natural relationship between them. In short, a child born from one set of parents becomes a child of another set of parents through legal means. After adoption, the adoptive parents assume all the rights and responsibilities that the biological parents used to hold. Adoption is usually done by a married couple to a minor who is not their natural child. In England for instance, an unmarried mother may adopt her own child so that the inheritance rights of her child are assured.Records show that in the United States almost half of all the adoptions are by relatives. Mostly these adopted children are born in wedlock while four out of five children adopted by strangers are born out of the bonds of marriage and are illegitimate. The United States has the highest percentage of white mothers who give their illegitimate child for adoption as compared with other countries. It has been observed that adoption agencies find it difficult to place older children, handicapped children and children of Negro or mixed race for adoption. Prompted by this reality, in 1957 a Montreal adoption agency pioneered a program that places part Negro children in white homes. Since then, similar efforts have been followed by several cities in the United States and Canada.There are two legal ways in which a couple desiring to adopt a baby can do so. First, they can go and apply to an adoption agency. The agency will assist them in looking for a child to adopt and who matches with their physical characteristics and background. The couple is screened by the agency's social worker and their capacity for parenthood is assessed. The couple should have a stable marriage and they should exhibit the capacity to love a child. These are the two basic rules a couple must adhere to in order to be granted adoption rights. But aside from these basic rules, most agencies require couples to follow additional guidelines and requirements.
